Why adults have affairs?
Speak about a loaded subject that no one wants to talk about, that’s it. Funny thing, extramarital affairs have been going on from old ages. Extramarital affairs can be filled with troubles, cause sorrow, and other troubles. In addition you have to wrap your maind around all the other issues, there’s that truth and honesty thing, money, age difference, religious upbringing, remorse, and on and on. I suppose there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the purpose of this article I should define an affair as a long term, maybe decades long relationship of a sexual nature between two individuals of whom one or both are married to other persons, married dating.
Why do men have affairs? There are as many answers as there are women seeking an affair. I suppose typically though it is only the human state, the need for affection, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and appreciated. Here are a several reasons I have run across.
Biologically we as human beings are all sexual beings. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasurable and exciting, and sex makes us escape the world for a small period of time. This excitement exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels elevated enough. Somebody are able to switch the wish on and off, some are good at controlling it and others are so-so at best. Though we all have it, young and old, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the excitement of the chase. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another individual, for some it is the longing to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the total romance thing. These wishes and yearnings can be so strong they prevail over the taboos people has erected against affairs. For many people the yearnings will overcome their fears and make them risk the fury of not only their family, but society as well. So why, what is the catalyst?
Sex Addicts, maybe some of us are. Sex is very pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically motivated sex addicts and can find away to have sex and not harm your spouse or anyone else? You would need to lessen the jeopardy you are taking. If you have the approach that a good affair is one that is advantageous to all, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I suppose this is the biggest grouping, enormous really. There are many couples whose marital relationships is over, except they feel comfortable in the manner they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your other half but there is no romance. Also there are the children to look after. Your savings are so entwined. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to live together besides love and sex.
Bodily reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical reasons that stop them completing the sex performance, at least not with their othere half. An extra-marital affair from time to time solves the trouble while keeping the marriage intact.
Ignoring, sorrowfully this is a frequent reason I fear. One or the other, generally the husband is sexually neglecting his lady for a number of reasons. As a male I truly am grateful to you guys neglecting your wives and making them accessible to us men of romance, making them “lonely wives” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Also there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not only neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just omitted in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Maybe its romance that is missing, maybe it is a lack of love, could be compassion is disappeared, maybe it is the intimacy, could be neglect. Maybe we have simply grown apart, our relulas interests diverged. Could be it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my ages, is contradictory of what you want. Could be I just don’t know what I want from the marriage anymore. Maybe, just maybe I miss that emotion that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The number one reason people give is, they search for the excitement that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to run away, for economic gain, for vengeance and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.